Realistic dating expectations
Often they simply stem from lack of information, feeling ashamed about things that are perfectly normal, and/or failing to communicate with our partners. Going into marriage believing that won’t happen to me perpetuates the idea that we are somehow different and that it’s going to be easy for us to do what’s clearly extremely difficult for most of the human population.If we all talked about sex, we would not only see that most of us have some room for improvement, but be able to share what’s worked and what hasn’t, saving others and ourselves unnecessary bad sex. There is nothing special about you and your partner.I believe that in relationships, we are doomed to fail each other in some ways no matter what.That is the nature of human relationships, because it is the nature of human beings. But if we expect a flawed partner and flawed partnership, it’s a lot easier to manage the disappointment when those flaws become apparent than if we have been expecting “happily ever after” to be literal.If our goal is monogamy, we need to realize that that is a goal for our behavior, not for our thoughts.It’s not reasonable to ask people to control their thoughts, and I would argue it is actually a bad idea.Try being open with your partner about your fantasies, celebrity crushes, and even your real-life temptations.
A great many of them tell me about problems and frustrations that they’ve never talked to anyone about, often not even their partners.
We’re constantly inundated with rom-coms, books and advice columns telling us we “deserve” to find Prince Charming… Sure, we’ve met some great guys, but no one ever seems to be charming enough or make us laugh all the time or know exactly what we’re thinking every minute of every day. What we sometimes forget is that our dream guy doesn’t exist (outside of the lives of Disney princess movies, that is!